Aunt Kathleen's memorial

Well, yesterday was the memorial for my aunt. It was surprising nice and the sanctuary was full of people. It was nice to meet her clients that she took such care with/for their animals. One precious lady was upset that she had never told Kathleen how much her work meant to them; how much she was appreciated for her love and care of animals. 
Me and my sister in law did the music. "His eye is on the Sparrow" opened the service. This song was in my head the day after I found out that Kathleen had died, within weeks of my grandmother passing. This song generally brings comfort to me in troubling and difficult times.

 

²⁸ And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, ²⁹ yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. ³⁰ But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! ³¹ Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ ³² For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. ³³ But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
³⁴ “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."  Matthew 6:28-34, NASB

I really love the end of that set of verses where Jesus simpy states, why worry about tomorrow, today has enough trouble of its own!  That is so true in so many circumstances these verses bring wisdom and comfort.

We also shared the song "Whom Shall I Fear" by Chris Tomlin.  My sister in law had that song going in her head after Kathleen's passing. We harmonized when we sang it; hoping our family was comforted by the words that "I know who goes before me, I know who stands behind, the God of Angel armies, is always by my side." 
Such awesome comfort these words bring during such a difficult, shocking time.
May we all realize that life is short; our days are numbered - some shorter than whatever normal is. We should not hold back on sharing emotions and positive, encouraging words with those around us. You just never know if you'll get to say them or not.  Don't put off to tomorrow, what could/should be accomplished today!
Carpe Diem - Seize the Day!

Love with all your heart!  Dance like noone's watching!  Live like today's your last! 


 

brighter days ahead...

Life sure is unpredictable, and sometimes coincidental. My maternal grandmother passed 4/19, my aunt passed 5/1. 2 years ago my paternal grandmother passed 4/15 (around that date) and my aunt passed 5/3. So let me explain.... you're already in the grieving process. Starting to work through the memories and the sadness of losing a loved one and then BAM! another one passes. Your world seems to be totally off kilter. Life as you know it, seems wrong. It was such a shock! My body felt nothing, literally nothing. I had no expression or emotion for almost 2 days. Then something happened and the floodgate of grief opened and the floodgate of tears came to help wash the hurt and pain away. For me, tears help heal my mind and soul. I was so depressed, I didn't want to DO anything. I surely didn't want to sit at my pointless job, typing in pointless data. I surely didn't care that a customer needed something. Didn't everyone understand the turmoil, the broken heart, the hurt I had?  Well after about 3 days of tears and hurt and sometimes pain, the sun is shining again. My mind is alert and my body is awake and ready to face this world again. I finally woke up not depressed, wanting to move out of the bed, not wanting to bury my head under the covers and pretend the sun didn't come up again. How could that stupid sun be shining? How dare it? 
Finally feeling rested and wanting to get back to "life" as I know it - early rise to make breakfast for my honey; sit with my blanket over my lap and sip coffee while I watch the inaccurate Virginia weatherman; playfully waking my son for school. Finally the sun is shining - there are brighter days ahead. (the weatherman even said that...) 
It's so weird how life changes after you lose loved ones.
I was counting my blessings today - my wonderful husband seemed pleased with the breakfast I made; he had given my a nice mother's day ring (purple stones - my favorite color) and chocolate (chocolate-my favorite). My son was alittle sweeter last night and this morning. My step son is also a sweet boy (just wish we could see him more). I even got some quiet time to myself, even if it was watching the silly weatherman, who was especially silly today. Time to sit with a warm blanket and sip my morning coffee. Time to reflect on how blessed my life is, all that we have, all that God has done and will do. 
Definitely brighter days ahead..... thank you Lord for the promise that each day brings - a new day and hope for a brighter future.

Memory of Grandma Becky

I guess with the passing of one relative you start to flood your mind with memories.  I've recently experienced memories flooding back from my other grandma on my father's side who past about 2 years ago.
As a child, I felt she was the mean Grandma - stern, strong, almost cold.  But as an adult, especially after my grandfather passed, she softened up alittle. I remember one time seeing her smile, a really big smile, and thinking, Wow, I haven't seen that much before now. 
One memory - we were sitting around the family pool, hanging out with several family members including my grandmother. A young mom with a baby was talking (whining) about not being able to clean, or vacuum, due to the child crying when she put him into the playpen. She was telling the story of working alittle and picking him up to console him and then working alittle. This vicious cycle.
My grandmother spoke up and said you have one. I had 8!  It was rather comical, really it was. It was so direct like grandma and funny at the same time.  It did make me realize that we have such modern silly ideas sometimes of parenting. I also realized that my own "perfect" parenting quest should end and "just do it". Our grandparents didn't read parenting books, listen to parenting lectures, or ask everyone in the neighborhood what they think of parenting, they simply did their best. Perhaps even trust God to take care of their short falls; trust God with their children's faith, their children's well being. It was definitely a simplier time. Even my own childhood was much simplier than today's generation, of which I am raising one myself. oops, 2 now.
When I first came home after divorce, we went to visit my grandma. My son is very wiggly, full of energy and can't sit still for very few minutes at a time. She looked at me and said why can't he be quiet and sit there with his hands in his lap, like one of the other great grandchild had done.  Well first of all my child has personality, alot of it! and you shouldn't compare children. God made us all differently so we wouldn't get bored in the world. It didn't take long before she warmed up to my son over the years. He would walk over to her house and they would play checkers and old maid. The checker board is probably older than me. The old maid cards I remember playing with her when I was a child.  
Grandma Becky was a character. She could be funny, whimsical; but also direct, if not blunt. We loved her and admired her for the life she lived, the life she survived. 

work frustrations

Sometimes work can be so frustrating or ridiculous, you wonder how your business can be/ has been in business this long.  I have had many work experiences in different locations and the work place dynamics are very similar. No matter where I work there are nice people, professional people, and the opposite people that live to make your life miserable.  Sometimes they don't even know they are just out right mean. Even showing the love of God to them doesn't phase their wicked cruel ways. They talk about you behind your back, treat you like your stupid, talk ugly to you directly. There is no end to their meanness. I have been told many theories by people outside of my workplace that they are jealous of a younger person, intimidated by my smarts (yeah, right...), I should listen and ask questions to seek advise as to how to correct whatever is making them unhappy (not that either!), just roll with it, etc.  The just roll with it or let things roll off you like a water off a duck's back seems to be the wisest solution to work place crazy, weird, maniacal people who live to make the work place hostile. I understand the world is full of not believing people who are trying to get ahead by any means necessary; however it is NOT necessary to be mean to your co-workers. There is no reason to talk about them and give negative opinions of them that make the other workers dislike you. I really wish most of all that I didn't care at all. That would be the easiest solution to this problem. It's really about caring what people think, which I never thought I did; however this issue is proving to me that I must care even alittle that people like me. I've been told by many that I"m the nicest person they have known so I fail to understand or realize what the problem is. I am most happy to realize that God accepts us and loves us and extends grace to us no matter what.
Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.  And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.Romans 12:1-2

God gave me this verse years ago when I was in the process of renewing my faith; rebuilding my beliefs and my character. My life story is full of joys and sorrows. I feel some of the sorrows were my own doing. I did something wrong or immoral that caused those results, consequences as my dad likes to call it.  Not that I will EVER be perfect, but I am definitely a better person, a Christian full of joy and "feel" blessed most days, after years of living my life for God, trying to do the right thing. I think God blessed me with a good man to be a great influence on my son and to be a wonderful husband to me. He is a wonderful, calm man that brings joy and peace to my home and our family.

still tired

 I am constantly tired these last few weeks. I keep expecting to wake up rested and refreshed, but it hasn't happened.  I joke with people that I am "not forty"; however I"m wondering if this one more year of age is catching up with me. Life feels so busy right now. We only have one child in one sport. It feels like we are constantly running to do something. I'm glad we are able to do these things; however I am feeling exhausted since my grandmother's passing.  Maybe I just haven't recovered from those 2 weeks of going to the hospital and then the grieving process, while trying to maintain a home and family, and a full time job. I couldn't do any of this without my husband's help and support. He is absolutely wonderful.


On an "up" note: I found a new dream car.

2013 Subaru BRZ