Thought overload

Sometimes when I have an overload of thoughts on my mind, I call it Resa's random thoughts. Lately, they are not really random, but thoughts on several different subjects.
One thought is I really miss my aunt and grandma. I had to take care of something this week that pertained to my aunt's death, and memories of that last week before her death are flooding my mind. After grandma passed, my aunt would call every day, sobbing uncontrollably, her grief was a heavy burden for her and she needed someone to help her through it; however I was also dealing with my own grief for grandma and feel that I somehow failed my aunt. She was 51 years old. She died less than 3 weeks after grandma. It was quite a shock! I have felt slightly guilty for not being there for her, like I would have been if the grief was not also affecting me in a heavy way.  I needed to sort out my own thoughts and emotions, my own feelings of loss, my own depression that came suddenly.
The last couple of days, I've been feeling all of that all over again, to a lesser degree than in May; however I've still been feeling it.
Another thought is my job. I'm a good worker, but am working in a terrible work environment - full of male shovenism, racism, stupidity, and ridiculousness. While I am working on finding something else, it only reminds me that I have no idea what job I am actually suited for, no idea what the job "title" would be called for the skills and abilities I possess after many years in the office business world. The job search is also complicated by the massive amount of job search engines that sometimes lead you in the perpetual circle of showing a job opportunity, clicking on the link, filling out that website's form, then being sent back to the original page, and through that whole process again and again. There are also corporate websites where typical job titles do NOT exist. An accounting clerk is somehow construed into a production operations supervisor of sales. ? whatever that is?
These corporate websites also make the navigation of their website so difficult, I'm surprised any one works there. Maybe the workers were hired before this website confusion was created.  I also like when the corporate website list job opportunities then at the bottom of the detail section for that job it states they are not hiring at this time for this position. (sarcasm on "like"). Then why list the job opening??!! It's been mind boggling.  I've applied for the jobs that are clearly a position I can handle. I don't want to "move up", I'm not looking for glory, or unrealistic environments, or events; I just want a place I can work and do a good job, and if they notice every now and then, that's good too. As little drama as possible, because some drama is to be expected.
Another thought is the current events happening in the news. I stopped watching the news several months ago because it was upsetting me and causing me anxiety. People randomly decided to go on shooting sprees every week or 2. People fighting wars. Unrest in almost every country across the ocean from us - Middle East, Africa, Korea, etc.  I keep thinking surely Jesus will return soon. It sure sounds like Revelations to me!  Our government claims it's running out of money but wants to fund more welfare. The government is shutting down after every few months. So what is going on?  Am I the only one who sees and hears all this? Noone else seems concerned about our world and where we are headed.  Maybe I'm just crazy and obsessive. 
Another thought is family. Why does family seem difficult? A simple attempt to bring the family together for some family reunion time came these unexpected reactions. Some people didn't respond at all so I'm not sure how many people will be there and whether we have enough food. Some people immediately responded that they couldn't be there. My parents are responding that I shouldn't have done it if it's stressing me out. Don't worry - it won't happen again!  I just feel like life is short - I wanted to see my family that is still alive.
I guess that last part is where I am; where my mind is.  I want to see and hug and laugh with my family that is left, after the deaths of 2 family members, from both sides.  I feel like I'm the only one who feels that way.  Maybe the others don't miss the rest of the family. They've moved onto their own family group, now that most have grandkids.