short reflections

The past is pain.
The future is worry.
The present, the precious present is a gift.


Move past the past, live in the present, don't worry about the future.


Forgiveness, grace and mercy move us into the present.


Tomorrow is a new day with hope of a brighter tomorrow.

from worry to calm

Sometimes you just need to know that things are okay, working good, healthy report...
I recently went to the doctor to address 3 issues I was concerned about. Everything turned out fine. I am completely healthy.

It's amazing to me how much energy and peace and calm I have today after finding the results.  I wish I could be that optimistic and positive thinking person; however I am not.

I was not a worrier until the last few years. I'm not sure where this comes from - age? new situations or circumstances? different influences as the people around you change?
I guess it's interesting to me how the mind works, how our bodies work. How do I "feel" so much better just from a clean health result at the doctor?  I am energized, positive and "feelin groovy". 

Now maybe I can find time to start exercising again...

Decluttering 2

I'm feeling the need to declutter my house recently. It comes in phases, spells, from time to time. I look around and realize (again) that I have books that will never be read, crafts that will never be completed, things that are not valid to us anymore.
So I started with a box of books in my floor for over a year. That went to the library. I haven't had a chance to read even 1 book. I hope the public will enjoy them.
I have more books that I want to find a place where some child will have enjoyment with them. I loved books. It gave me places to imagine to go with people to imagine you were or with.
I have several boxes in a closet that haven't been touched or opened since I moved in around 3 years ago. I need to pull those down and see if something in them can be disposed of or given away or sold. 
I struggle with this because everything holds a memory, everything I worked so hard to survive through in life was accumulated in those boxes before this marriage. I see the same struggle with my son. I guess we both understand that "things" are hard to come by sometimes so it feels wasteful to just throw things out.
I do enjoy that I can donate books to the library however how much longer will people even use a library in a building? I have physical hard copy books as well as digital. Sometimes my eyes do not want to look at an electronic device so I have been borrowing books from the local library. It also saves space and money to borrow them from the library. And the kids seem to enjoy it, which was a welcomed surprise.
I need to declutter however I hardly have the energy or time lately. I guess this blog post will have to serve as my wishful thinking...

the joys of divorce with children

I have often wondered how to get my story out there. Here is my testimony of how my child’s parents worked together for the good of the child.  I am the custodial parent in our situation.  We have an inter-state case between PA and VA.  This makes the child support rather difficult to maneuver especially if I don’t agree with the enforcement court hearings being processed.  I worked very hard to make sure my son had a relationship with his father.  His father did not have a car or license at our separation. At first, I admit I was upset that the judge made me drive our child for visitation the whole way and back without compensation, without support payments being kept up.  I patiently did my duty for more than a year at which time I felt the father should make some effort in the transportation as it was wearing me out. 

We meet about halfway ever since without any disputes over dates times or length of visits. We cordially speak regarding our child in order to keep him informed.

 

Now I am remarried and I am seeing the non-custodial side of things with my current husband. His ex is allowed to manipulate the visitation, the child, every holiday, medical expenses, etc in whatever manner she sees fit. She continually harasses my husband with ignorant phone calls and court hearings. We recently were taken to court for missing a soccer game due to a planned, prior agreed upon, family trip to Gettysburg, which is educational in nature. The court actually sided with her!  I am still in shock. We are not allowed to be a family or take trips unless she agrees but she can renig on the agreement and take us to court later!  This is preposterous! I feel like the child support and custody courts allow her to harass my husband.

I am counting down the years until this child is 18 and I can tell her to go away and kiss my behind!

 

I feel the law needs to change towards non-custodial parents and stop treating them like they are the “bad guys”.  Also I feel the law should give equal parenting – such as change who the custodial parent is around the age of 10 or 11. I just feel the system fails both sides of the custody which means it is failing our children.

People need to learn to suck it up, humble yourself, and do what is best for your child which is have both parents in their life.

 

I hope my testimony of how I manage my custody in a nice respectful manner will help someone see that it can be done without the courts.

Race issue

I have been troubled for around a year or so now, that there seems to be this huge racial issue in America. From posts that I view on Facebook from people I knew in high school, that confuses, and sometimes alarms me. Is it that people view themselves as different so they take ordinary crappy days and crappy situations in life and make them about race; or do they have a valid point regarding feeling like they are treated or viewed differently because of their skin tone.
I certainly am not pretending to have an answer, but want to express my thoughts somewhere in this vast world (world wide web thing). 
My confusion started with Trevon Martin. Zimmerman was not "white", and he was NOT a police officer. He should have been tried as a person who killed another person. Now I do not know the law, but there are different level charges, such as Manslaughter, 1st degree, 2nd degree, etc, so that each case can be determined to be a certain level of motive involved. Zimmerman case was obviously not 1st degree. The issue with that case is it became political and social. It should have been handled like a regular murder case. Perhaps he would have been convicted if it had been handled with political pressure on the prosecutor.
The latest case is an 18 yr. old in Missouri being killed by a police officer. The problem I have with the many many posts on social media and the news media, is I don't feel like we have the facts. Maybe I am naïve and I assume there was a reason that this instance got "out of hand". The military looking police that have shown up days after the fact has been a response to the looting and unruly protests. I doubt "peaceful" protests would have required any action from the police. The news media did show looting and rioting. Well how do you expect the police is going to keep the innocent (of any race) safe from this behavior.  I understand that people get upset about the initial reaction to this situation. Thoughts like "why would they shoot an unarmed man?"  There is a process that these instances get investigated.  And I'm sorry but every mother thinks her kid is "such as good boy."
I doubt this had anything to do with his clothes or droopy draws or his color of skin. 
I also have noticed a shift in society that the police is against us. You hear a siren and people say "they're comin' for ya." in jest, however even young children say "uh oh. There's a police." What happened to "hey there's a police" with smile and waves. 
I noticed while watching the World Cup FIFA Soccer matches that race was NEVER mentioned. It was never used in any commentating. And all the teams have people of different skin tones; however all the Brits, were just Brits. No one said there's a black Brit.  I was pleasantly surprised that other nations do not "see" race as we Americans do. 
It's time America for a change. But it must happen in each home, with each family. I have always felt blessed that I grew up in a home without prejudice towards others. I was not "taught" prejudice. I was blessed to grow up in a community that was not one race. I had friends of all kinds - different races, lower and middle class. It didn't matter. You were friends with people because they were nice. You avoided people who were mean.  It was that simple.

words inspired...

A co-worker has experienced a loss in her family which has brought up my own grief again.
I also had a dream the other day in which my aunt Kathleen showed up in it; acting exactly how she would have acted in that situation. It was a weird dream any way, but then she walked through this room I was in, and made her comments she would have in real life.
So I'm feeling a wave of grief again.
What I want to record here is the words I feel God gave me today to share with my co-worker and her family. She is a sweet lady, and I wanted to offer words of comfort. Only God could have written what I was able to write in a card to her. 
The basic gist - God is carrying you through like the poem Footprints in the Sand. He carries us through these troubled times. He is our comfort, our help, our strength, our healer.  His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.  Whom shall I fear? God is our comfort. He's got our back. He will not forsake you.  Wait on the Lord, He cares for you.  Told her I am praying for the family. It's tough situation in the family. Some are believers, some are not. Some seem shocked and devastated; some seem uncaring and cold. 

Psalm 27: ¹ The Lord is my light and my salvation—
    whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
    of whom shall I be afraid?

² When the wicked advance against me
    to devour me,
it is my enemies and my foes
    who will stumble and fall.
³ Though an army besiege me,
    my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
    even then I will be confident.

⁴ One thing I ask from the Lord,
    this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
    all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
    and to seek him in his temple.
⁵ For in the day of trouble
    he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
    and set me high upon a rock.

⁶ Then my head will be exalted
    above the enemies who surround me;
at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
    I will sing and make music to the Lord.

⁷ Hear my voice when I call, Lord;
    be merciful to me and answer me.
⁸ My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”
    Your face, Lord, I will seek.
⁹ Do not hide your face from me,
    do not turn your servant away in anger;
    you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
    God my Savior.
¹⁰ Though my father and mother forsake me,
    the Lord will receive me.
¹¹ Teach me your way, Lord;
    lead me in a straight path
    because of my oppressors.
¹² Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
    for false witnesses rise up against me,
    spouting malicious accusations.

¹³ I remain confident of this:
    I will see the goodness of the Lord
    in the land of the living.
¹⁴ Wait for the Lord;
    be strong and take heart
    and wait for the Lord.

God also gave me this chapter of the Bible to reflect on and share with others. 

Thought overload

Sometimes when I have an overload of thoughts on my mind, I call it Resa's random thoughts. Lately, they are not really random, but thoughts on several different subjects.
One thought is I really miss my aunt and grandma. I had to take care of something this week that pertained to my aunt's death, and memories of that last week before her death are flooding my mind. After grandma passed, my aunt would call every day, sobbing uncontrollably, her grief was a heavy burden for her and she needed someone to help her through it; however I was also dealing with my own grief for grandma and feel that I somehow failed my aunt. She was 51 years old. She died less than 3 weeks after grandma. It was quite a shock! I have felt slightly guilty for not being there for her, like I would have been if the grief was not also affecting me in a heavy way.  I needed to sort out my own thoughts and emotions, my own feelings of loss, my own depression that came suddenly.
The last couple of days, I've been feeling all of that all over again, to a lesser degree than in May; however I've still been feeling it.
Another thought is my job. I'm a good worker, but am working in a terrible work environment - full of male shovenism, racism, stupidity, and ridiculousness. While I am working on finding something else, it only reminds me that I have no idea what job I am actually suited for, no idea what the job "title" would be called for the skills and abilities I possess after many years in the office business world. The job search is also complicated by the massive amount of job search engines that sometimes lead you in the perpetual circle of showing a job opportunity, clicking on the link, filling out that website's form, then being sent back to the original page, and through that whole process again and again. There are also corporate websites where typical job titles do NOT exist. An accounting clerk is somehow construed into a production operations supervisor of sales. ? whatever that is?
These corporate websites also make the navigation of their website so difficult, I'm surprised any one works there. Maybe the workers were hired before this website confusion was created.  I also like when the corporate website list job opportunities then at the bottom of the detail section for that job it states they are not hiring at this time for this position. (sarcasm on "like"). Then why list the job opening??!! It's been mind boggling.  I've applied for the jobs that are clearly a position I can handle. I don't want to "move up", I'm not looking for glory, or unrealistic environments, or events; I just want a place I can work and do a good job, and if they notice every now and then, that's good too. As little drama as possible, because some drama is to be expected.
Another thought is the current events happening in the news. I stopped watching the news several months ago because it was upsetting me and causing me anxiety. People randomly decided to go on shooting sprees every week or 2. People fighting wars. Unrest in almost every country across the ocean from us - Middle East, Africa, Korea, etc.  I keep thinking surely Jesus will return soon. It sure sounds like Revelations to me!  Our government claims it's running out of money but wants to fund more welfare. The government is shutting down after every few months. So what is going on?  Am I the only one who sees and hears all this? Noone else seems concerned about our world and where we are headed.  Maybe I'm just crazy and obsessive. 
Another thought is family. Why does family seem difficult? A simple attempt to bring the family together for some family reunion time came these unexpected reactions. Some people didn't respond at all so I'm not sure how many people will be there and whether we have enough food. Some people immediately responded that they couldn't be there. My parents are responding that I shouldn't have done it if it's stressing me out. Don't worry - it won't happen again!  I just feel like life is short - I wanted to see my family that is still alive.
I guess that last part is where I am; where my mind is.  I want to see and hug and laugh with my family that is left, after the deaths of 2 family members, from both sides.  I feel like I'm the only one who feels that way.  Maybe the others don't miss the rest of the family. They've moved onto their own family group, now that most have grandkids.